Here comes morbid Jess again, harping on about death. I only picked up Mark Wakely’s Sweet Sorrow: A Beginner’s Guide to Death because the library catalogue suggested it to me when I was looking for something else (although along similar lines, Kenneth McKenzie & Todd Harra’s Mortuary Confidential: Undertakers Spill the Dirt. Now looking at the Book Depository I realize it hasn’t even been released yet, so it must’ve been one of the titles I came across when going through new release lists at work.) I thought I was in for something appealing with Sweet Sorrow when I saw the epigraph was from a Philip Larkin poem, but this is a brief introductory look at the death care industry and its aims are too broad to explore any of these endlessly fascinating issues in detail. However, if you’re not familiar with what goes on at a funeral home, a morgue or a palliative care unit, Sweet Sorrow is a gentle guide through these industries that care for us before, during and after death.
Motivated by a growing need to confront his own anxieties about death, Mark Wakely sets out to investigate the rituals surrounding mortality. He states from the very beginning that Sweet Sorrow is intended to be read as a personal enquiry rather than a comprehensive report. Between chapters are fictional excerpts about a woman losing her father which I thought I would find grating and unnecessary but added an emotional dimension to Wakely’s investigation. Written in a conversational tone, Wakely guides the reader in an informative, considerate and sensitive manner.
Did you know that until the 1940s and 1950s most people died at home? Compare that to now where 80% of Australians can expect to die in hospital, thus making a look into the palliative care industry necessary. Here he describes the physical deterioration of death, the psychological aspects of a patient’s inevitable death, the impact on families and the ways palliative and hospital staff cope with the constant confrontation with death. Wakely visits a morgue to learn about how autopsies are conducted – for those concerned, this is the most visceral the book gets – and what circumstances require an autopsy. Wakely’s visit to a coffin factory is interesting, seeing how they’re made and the different options available, including decorative designs, custom designed coffins and environmentally friendly coffins. Say, bookworms, how about a bookcase that can be converted into a coffin?:
Just when I was reassuring myself that there would be no space to store a coffin in the small apartment where I live, along comes British designer William Warren with yet another twist to the story of coffin-making. The furniture designer has created a shelving system called ‘Shelves for Life’, a set of floor-standing plywood bookshelves that come apart and can be reconfigured into a coffin. William wrote to me about his design:
“The Shelves for Life are part possession, part preparation. They are not a coffin yet; they simply have the potential to be a coffin in the future. We’re all going to die and we will all need a coffin, so why not make your coffin something you’ve owned and loved for years and save your bereaved family having to choose one for you at an already difficult time?”
Visiting funeral homes Wakely learns about the differences between independent and conglomerate funeral companies, outlines how and why an embalming procedure is completed, and how people express their grief. Other funerary rituals that are discussed are the delivery of the eulogy, choice of flower arrangements and the most popular songs played at funerals – Bette Midler’s “Wind Beneath My Wings” being one of the most popular here in Australia, although Monty Python’s version of “Always Look on the Bright Side of Life” is another popular choice. (Always wanted The Rolling Stones’ “Shine a Light” myself.) The choice between burial and cremation is also explored, however briefly.
It is this brevity that makes Sweet Sorrow an ideal choice for a reader wanting a basic and gentle introduction to the rituals and routines surrounding death in the Western world, particularly in Australia. I would have liked to see more about how different cultures and religions view and treat death but Sweet Sorrow is firmly situated in the traditions of the Western world. For those wanting something more in depth Sweet Sorrow provides a broad overview of our social and cultural rituals but ultimately offers nothing that couldn’t be learned from watching a couple of seasons of Six Feet Under.
2008, book review, June 2010, Mark Wakely, non-fiction, Sweet Sorrow: A Beginner's Guide to Death